4n6...^.^

It was all about becoming OP, KK, exermining the body by every single inch, learning fashion (HUHU), exploring the inner part, and writing VeR.... Adding on with some misunderstandings, arguements, being seniority..It was, it is and it will become a routine for those who gone through 4n6 and for those who will enter after me.

BUT, I, with confident, can tell that it was more than the above for me. Fun, Making New Friends, Work As a team, Helping each other, Playing cards (LOL), etc...

Before we enter 4n6, had so many comments and also warnings from the previous groups; "4n6 sucks, full of seniority". we were preprepared for the 'fight and was expecting for the worse'. I was just hoping to finish this department as soon as possible because already had a thought that its totally going to be not fun.

First day, I was so lazy to enter the "ruko". The place was already occupied by the other University's 4n6 group. We thouhgt that so called "war" is going to start, yet we didnt want it to happen. So we made the first move, we throw the ball before them but by introducing ourselves followed by them. We didnt want to have a cold surroundings in there. First day was so packed (5 autopsies) that we had no time for each other.

Days passed, we become closer.From sitting according to University, started to sit wherever we want. From becoming KK for own groupmates, started to help each other without concerning the University. From playing cards by among ourselves, started to invite new members into it...:p

I had the bestes time of coass periode ever in 4n6. Proud to say that we (UNPAD, UKRIDA,MARANAT) were the 1st ever group that made it through without any conflicts, without any misunderstanding, without any arguements...:)

WE gonna miss u guys...:D

Reminder:
Life isnt a path that we have to follow wherever it takes us, but we create our own path and live it...:)

Not just any Form...!!!

I wanted to write bout this for a long time ago... Few months ago, there was a programme about religion where the issue of why Hindus worship GOD in a FORM (deity). There was a anolog given by the speaker telling why we shouldn't whorship The Supreme Personality in a Form...

"there is a couple who loves each other so much, all of sudden the husband had to go out of town. After few days, the wife starte to miss him and she captured another guy, then assumed that guy's picture as her husband...."

The boy who stood up for Hindu answered,"Wwhy must her capture another guy and assume as me, if she really loves me means i'll be in her heart".

The speaker said," U have the answer why we shouldn't give GOD a form"...

Am not sure whether others find it wrong or not, but i felt offended when i heard about it. And was kinda cursing myself cause couldn't attent, if not surely i would've argue about it. Since he gave an anolog why we shouldn't, here is another anolog why we should...

""if we put mail into an authorized mailbox it will be delivered to the address written on the envelope.
But if we drop that mail into some box other than an authorized mailbox, it will not be delivered.

~~ Similarly, if we create some form, call it God, and worship it, all according to our own mental concoction, there will be no benefit and our act will be condemned by GOD.""

Anyway, its not just any form that given for the deity, we create a form according to the actual description of GOD's form given in the revealed scriptures, and if we worship that form according to the rules and regulations given by GOD in the scriptures, we will achieve excellent results in achieving the LOVE of GOD...

According to the scriptures, the are nine processes of devotional services, and one of it is worship HIM, (arcaana), refers to Deity worship. Furthermore, the principle is that if we want to love God, we must be able to develop some personal relationship with Him. Although in our impure state, we are not qualified to see the original spiritual form of God and to worship Him; though, by His mercy He has agreed to appear in the form of His Deity. So that, we can Love HIM...:)

Therefore, the whole process of Deity worship gives us an opportunity to practice serving God. As the devotee renders continuous and regulated service to the Deity according to the methods authorized in the scriptures, the impurities of our heart gradually become cleansed and our natural loving relationship with the Lord is manifest. Without being able to relate to God in some personal way there is no question of learning to love Him, even though He is all pervading and can accept our offering any time or place...

Plz, do add on if others know more about it...thanx (^_^)

HoT...HoT...Are u ready to die now??

Dr.N asked if any of us ready to die now??today???
nah, 99% said "NO"...and the next question was "WHY?"
"Blom nikah dok, blom nikmati apa-apa doc.." answered lah 1 gal.
And the doctor started to laugh, n asked what's the correlation between u 2 die and getting married....n the whole class started to laugh.

The point is here is not bout the reason why not ready to die, but "WHY NOBODY IS NOT READY TO DIE".
No doubt that 99% of people in this world will said "NO" to die now. It's not a weird answer though because everyone still not aware of the purpose of the "LIFE". Of course its hard to say "yes" if not knowing the purpose of our LIFE...and i feel its true enough.

Why LIFE called as GIFT from the GOD?? and why must we thank HIM for every new day in our life that HE give us?? I've heard people sayng this almost since I was like 8 or 9 years old. May be because those words were inherita by the olders or they really do the meaning of those words. Furthermore, as far as i know for most of the people around me, those are not more just words. Even myself, often forget to thank HIM.

I wonder why everyone wants a long life. The more u love ur life the more it become difficult to leave this world, the more u live the more sins u'll do, the more u into this material world the more the more we attach to this miserable world..;p

DONT U THINK SO!!! huhuhu....(own opinion, ntg to do with neither those live nor died...)

The purpose of life is something that everyone should figure out by ourself. No comment bout it either. Just want everyone to start thinking bout LIFE and ready to DIE nytime from now before its too late to realize about...So stop telling we live once, have to enjoy it and other craps..We DONT know wen we will die....(^_^)

They aRe UniQue~~

They might be sick,
they might be pityful,
they might be aggresive,
they might be hallusinating,
they might be deppressed,
they might be austistic,
they might be euphoric,
they might be seems to be scary,
they might be out of their mind,
they might be paranoid toward the world,
they might be lost in their own world...
BUT they are unique!!!

Psychiatry...when hear of it, the 1st thing in everyone's mind will be 'OH Oh, is it the place for mentally ill patient??''.

Everyone undergoes the phase of being disturbed mentally. U, me, us... No denial,no exception....
stress, depression, sadness are part of everyone's life. We stressed up with work, relationships leading to depression, sadness take over our world by unpleasent news. YET we are still here, and they are in there...:)

WHY?!!!

There is no proper answer can be given...Many aspects are being accused for them to be like that and for us not to be like that;
family, family background, studies, frens, work, economy, social..and the list can go on AND on.

They are unique still...
By avoidance, they gain the love of their close one;
By ignoraning people around, they gain attention from most people;
By hurting others, they gain the carefulness fron others;
By being jobless, they gain more time for themself; (hehe)
So they are UNIQUE...!!!

!! She Just Said "MasyaAllah" !!

Past few days, everyone making me feel totally depress in all the way possible. Until I lose my confidence...

" I think u just act u are sick one particular day, shiva"-my group member.

"Sont expect of passing with ..." said a gal.

And...
"who is ur...??" another fren asked. i told her "X"
The next word came out from her was "MasyaAllah"....and my eyes become watery on the spot. Couldnt take it anymore the way people discouraging me...

I know I'm my luck is terribly bad, but I still have faith on me, on HIM...I dont mind if u cant be my streangth but please stop being unsupportative....:p

!! One Heart Break !!

I'm talking here as a gal. "Love is only once in a lifetime". I think its bullshit. We cant fall in love with someone and ended up marrying that person because life is not a cinema where it has to be one hero and one heroine. As we travels all the way though, we might fall for someone at anytime, and we might fall in love as many times possible until we find the RIGHT one. Dont u think so??!!

Was having a drink with a friend just now, releasing stress. She was telling bout her love life and was sad that she havent find the right one yet. Then i told her, 'a gal at least must fall in love once, and has one HEART BREAK. it will definitely make her be more matured. Me always hold to it. Plus, my friend also had the same thought. She added, "we should have this phase (loving someone, then have a heart breke), in a gal's life. It will make the gal to be more mature and do the right decision in choosing the Mr. Right in the future.

Loving someone is not like meet once, talk awile then couple up. That is not yet consider as love; its still in phaase of liking someone. Being deeply in love with someone is a very long process where it involves trusting each other, understand each other pros and cons, tolaterate each others attitudes...bla..bla..bla!!!

After talking to her, i feel like I havent grow any mature yet....



Nobody's heart will be perfect without any 'defect'...Every single HEART would have been sctretched, or would have deep wound covered by plasteror strungled by rope as in this picture...:p

~~DoN't bE a DocToR tHeN...:p

dr.A : "pak keluhan bapak pa?" asked the docter right after the patient sat; with a scary face without greet the patient. While she anemnesis the patient, at the same she was busy prescribing the medication for him. And I notice the patient become uncomfortable when the doctor didnt bother to silent to what the patient was saying.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dr.B : "ibu Eni ya. gmana hari ni bu?ada pa2 keluhan?" with a friendly smile the doctor started his anemsis once the patient settled herself on the chair. After that slowly he asked bout her health, is she following her medication properly or not, whether the medicine causing her any troblesome or not...bla bla...:)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Am not going to comment nything bout the above senario, not gona critisize bout it. Its just a example for us to know how are we actually towards the patient; is it like the 1st one or the 2nd...U should know better.

Nobody is stupid...so forget bout the knowledge. Here, just take a moment to think how are we to the patient. A friendly smile with a warm greeting is just more than enough, each time meet the patient, to make them feel much better and they will be very comfortable to share bout their pain and also will feel secure to be traeted by us. Am sure most of us does it; but do we all the time??!! TRUST me, that works 1oo% to get know better bout the patients disease...dont u think so??!!!

Some of us like to show our uneasiness or our stress to the patient; 'SOUR' face!!! (hehe)
some treat the patient like a subject for them to experiment. For god sake la, put ourself in their shoe and see. are we willing to be treated like that??!!!

'Wear' a SMILE on our face all the time. We are not going to lose a single cent by doing that. And be friendly. My preceptor says, "none of the patient going to tell the others, that doctor is very knowledgable; they will tell, go to this doctor, he/she is very kind".

Your SMARTNESS doesnt reflect how good you are but your EMPATHY...('.")v

p/s: personal opinion..hehe

"jangan pake perasaan"

It was my 1st 'jaga' in UGD (emergency). Since i was in NC department, there was a head injury patient who needed debridement for his wound on his head. So i prepared all the stuffs as the resident ordered. Then started with the cleaning.

i did 'sheeesssshhh' when saw the patient in pain. The resident beside me told,
"siva, kalau mau jadi dokter, jangan pake perasaan waktu mengobati pasien"...:p

1st i was kinda shocked with that statement but then only its hit my mind that of course, if i have emotional contact with patient,my work couldn't be done at any time soon...:p

thats how i started to learn things throughout the 9 weeks in surgery depatment...:) it was really fun n felt like being a real doctor especially during jaga, yet had some hard times too... (u know nothing can be as smmooth as we want).

started with NC, then onko-uro-thorax-vascular-anak-plastik-degestive, and ended with ortho..n this nine weeks were so good that no heart to leave 'surgery' department this soon..what to do, duwana prolong oso..:p




Last day in Nc-(operation teater)















i always wont be in the shot coz im the who is taking those pic..:(

gonna miss this department alot..:p

Bedah~~~

Itz been a hectic week...:p
Pre-koas, registration, then intro for the department. What a life??!!
The 1st thing I learned in these 2 days is "PATIENCE"...as a Koas should know how to be patience no matter what, Coz the only thing you have to do is wait and wait and wait at the corridor..:p

"they said all the surgery department 'Koas' must gather at the department at 1pm, got briefing. But we were waiting there for like 2 hours no one showed up, we were standing there like 'anak terbiar'...huhu. 3 pm, a resident came gave some talk for 20min then she said every group must meet their preceptor tomorrow"
She couldn't give the briefing and postponed o the next day also.

Yet, the same thing happened on Friday also...but,at least had the briefing at 4pm.

I felt like im blind-folded and left somewhere.
Weird word-STASE (still finding the meaning of this word)
Then, 'jaga'-must be at the emergency ward sharp at 3pm, but only can sign the attendance at the department after 3pm...How??!!!! (very confusing)
Must assist at least 1 surgery, and we must find the opportunity by ourselves...haihs

chaiyok sita...chaiyok....!!!
Lets ROCK the department...yahoo...huhuhu

Why?!!!

"why are u having a Quran in ur room"
"since when u started to read it?"
"U just reading to know right?"

Oh Oh...im tired of all these...Questions and warnings...!!!
Is the love I had for Him,KRSNA, not enough to prove everyone that i wont leave HIM...!!! I always loved Him and Surrendered to Him. mein to hamesha Uski jhogan bhanke rehoongi...:)

Furthermore, religion2 all doesn't play any part here. Since I know the destiny of my life and the way to find it, nothing can stop me from Loving Him or turn my back to Him..:)

THANK GOD...:)

People used to tell me, God love to test His devotees but He will never let them down...SO TRUE...!!!

Finally, i think I got what i deserved after so many obstacles that i went through especially this year. They made us wait for 2 hours before announce the result. I entered the hall with so many thoughts, +ve n also -ve. I felt like screaming and jumping when dr.Endang said, 'Congratulation, u all made to the koas'... I'm still cant believe it...hehe..

I really thank all the good hearts who were they to support and encouraged me all the time no matter what...:)

I'm going to graduate already...huhu

But, koas only starting on October, thinking how to fill up such a long holiday...:p

Sad to Go Back~

From the day I born,
and they time we have spent,
Still i remember...
But u leave me here, Just like that,
Without saying anything...
Even the tears come from my eyes...
Still i miss u so much..!!





- Maa, u just left us; me here without think even once what will happen to us; me if u go.-
Short holiday, yet thinking how am I going to past these holidays without u. the time we use to spend together during my holidays, still i remember...u never let me go anywhere without u and love to drag me wherever u go..who will do all my shopping now?!! who will cover up for me??!! who will pamper me??!!

I still cant forget the last word u talked to me.

"Hapie Bday maa" i said.

U just replied "thank u daa"...no jokes, no gossips as usual...
I still cant figure out why i always been the less lucky to be with u although im ur dearest 1 compare to others...:(


p/s:
Idiots!!! they must be the dumbest creatures in this world who can talk like that...no other better work to do i guess..I wish i can see their faces.

KaRma ~

We always tend to do things without thinking of the reaction; be it immediate reaction or long term; or be it good or bad. Our every action / work called as "KARMA" in sanskrit (for hindu); For every 'action' that i do, there is a 'reaction'. Its totally different than other religion may be. Karma can also refers as the 'work' we have ahead of us, which includes lessons from both our past and present lives. Meaning, if everyone aware of the circles of birth and death, our karma always connected with our actions from past and present with its reaction.

I'm sure everyone heard of people saying, 'what la i did in my past life until suffering like this'...:p (^_^) some without knowing about karma, says it. that means we aware of our actions control our life...:) This is called as Law of karma.

God as the Provider, provides us with everything. Yet, He doesn't control us. We want (lust), we work for it (action), we get what we want (reaction). So, we have to accept whatever reaction that we get whether its good or bad. We never will complain if its good; but if something bad happens means, we blame GOD. Not appropriate is it? we should be responsible for our own action indeed.

Not all good action have immediate reward and not all bad things happen to you meaning you have bad karma. Sometimes, bad things happens for a good reason.

Example 1: A businessman-very hardworking, ambitious, wildly successful. Never even had time for himself. one day, he had an accident and ended up in hospital.

-He cant say its due to his bad karma. May be this accident might teach him the value of life and slow down a bit his life to actually feel it, enjoy it-

how about changing our karma?!! "can is it?"....of course can. Our soul is on an journey always. Karma can show us where we've been and where we might go to learn we've chosen for this lifetime. confused?? huhu. May be we feel like our life is full of miserable. That could be due to our actions in the past. May now we can choose a good path to change it. We can adjust our actions to either changes in ongoing work or gain new perspective on our past action so that we can avoid making the same mistake twice...:)

YET!!!

one can be free from this Law Of Karma!!! how...how...how??!! When we started get bored of this material world, when we understands the purpose of this life, when we knows that we are the 'soul' not the body...when he inquires "who am I? Why am I here? Whats going on? and what is my part?"

when we understand the ultimate truth that our every action is for GOD. Whatever we does is because of Him. And always put Him before for every action, then we are free from this Law...:)

He says:

"do your part and offer the reaction to me"

Example: - If a worker works all the day.Then when get the salary, he buys flowers or do donation, etc. In that way, he doesn't owns the reaction of his action.-

The End...hehe..(^_^)v-peace

~ Be With Me Always ~

Every single person needs a reason to change; may it be into good or bad. A strong reason which make them to see the reality. I also had that so called ‘reason’ lately to change back to the person I was before come to Indonesia.

I used to a preserved type, so pious (until after form 5 I even plan to devote myself to GOD) and very strict in following the principles that being thought to me since I was a kid. My father is a strict person, who doesn’t even let us wear ¾ pants out of the house; can’t cut the hair shorter, can’t go out after 8pm, any function must wear traditional dress, never went out partying with friends, etc.

But coming out here and mix with all kind of peoples changed me a lot. I myself realized that changes. Started wearing sleeveless, break some of the rules, wear shorts and walk around in jatinangor and mix around openly to all my friends; either it’s a guy or girl. Tried to be ‘social’ and modern. It was so fast that I didn't realize of it. Yet, I got bored of that life so fast also.... Huhuhu

However the ‘reason’ which made me to realize about it came in a way that I didn’t expect. A friendship with someone kind of realized me and stopped me being in the stupid ‘darkness’ plus reminded me those things forget which I was practicing all the while . That person didn’t in person made the changes but then being around, getting know that person and being a friend of him gave a chance for me realize so many things which were wrong all the time; here in jatinangor I mean.. (^_^)

My spiritual life was kinda down since I came to Indonesia. Well environment always influences our thought and there wasn’t had a single person to remind or warn me. So all I had was influences from people around me which made me to forget the principles I used to follow. But.... But, by reading that person’s writings somehow made me feel guilty. I tried to change back to old me again; were cursing myself for being so ‘alpa’ in this material world and controlled by ‘maya’.

Not only that, I found good friendships also. My life started to be better and always surrounded by nice friends; friends who respect not only me but also the principles I follow, accept me without expecting any changes from me to fit myself with them. Example:

My friends who used to be,

“Never mind papa, eat onion 1 day will cause you nothing. Just ‘tutup satu mata’ and eat la”

Those friends I made after that,

“Wait ah siva, I read first the ingredients. Oh, this 1 you can eat...oh this 1 you can’t eat”

I’m not telling those friends I knew eelier are not good. It just that they are not very religious so doesn’t really understand me. However those friends I treasured now are those who understand me well enough although they are not same as me (religion wise). Just because the way we see this life is same, it brought us closer enough compare to any other friends before. They were the always there in my good and also bad time. The best part is they share their religion to me without any expectation.

Mentally Prepared ~

i think im mentally prepared to accept whatever awaiting for me on 7th august. I just got 3 department papers to go out of 46 departments, but now i feel like i chose the wrong papers for 1 of the departments. Nothing can be change now.

worse come worse ill join the February batch. But it doesn't means I'm a dumb or what. People who cheated all the from 1st year until now can get though means,its the sign that luck play bigger part compare to hardworking. And also if they enter Koas now it doesn't means they gonna finished it on time. So its just a matter of time.

There must a good reason why GOD doing this to me. May be i will have ample time to prepare myself to enter practical. May be i can spend some time with my family since house condition not stable yet.

However, i must be mentally prepared to face it in two weeks....

~ MR or MRS right ~

Why everyone thinks that the person to whom we get married can be not our mr/mrs right??!!

Few days back I was chit chat with my friends...One of my friends said,

" Kan waktu 1st year ustad ade cakap yang, kalau kita khawin nanti tak semestinya orang tu jodoh kita"

Spontaneously, another friend and i said,

"Kenape u pon fikir macam tu, kenape kita x jadikan orang tu sebagai jodoh kita?"

then she said,

"takkan orang yang kite khawin tu jadikan mr right la? belum kenal...bla bla bla"

Not only her, but most of the people think the same nowadays. If can cop up together, divorce. As simple as that...?!! why cant they think about it properly before they committed to a person??!!!

See few times, chat couple of hours, then like each other ready means 'lets get married'..please la..!!! We can take our time to get to each other and then only committed to each other.is it more rational and at the same time can be sure of the the person whether he / she is our mr / mrs right...(^_^)

Dont tell, if that person is bad or something then have to divorce... that's the reason we must get to know each other well before. not to say, after marriage cant get to know but just saying that it's better this way..Can avoid so many things...true or not??!!

Last time where got people fall in love and all. Mostly arranged marriage.Yet, they can take that person as a life partner and also mr / mrs right...e.g. our parents.
My mom and dad lived together and my mom always tried to be the mrs right for my dad.I always wanted to be like that.

Law or religion shouldnt be a reason for everyone to have trial on mr / mrs right like changing clothes...:p

p/s : just my opinion...:p

LucK Isn'T EveryThinG~

yesterday when i was waiting for 'Judicium' at outside of A5, one of my friend told me 'Luck is not everything siv' after seeing me so worried. And she said we will deserve what we worked for. that's how she consulted me...

Doctor Yuni, my dosen wali, after enter the room, she started giving our results. My heart feel like stopping after seeing OSCE (V & VI) is B. 'Shit, i cnt graduate this august then'. After that, i cant be bother already about my department papers. I was controlling myself from dropping my tears in front of my doc & friends. Right after consult what subject to take and all, i just ran into the washroom and dial my dad's num.

"pa, i dont think so i cant graduate this august" and started crying.

It was a big shock for him too, i knew. But he was trying to consult me by telling may its for a good reason. And he totally didnt blame me because the OSCE was 1 week right after my mum's....Yet, i couldnt consult myself. I told him,

"no pa, i never failed this exam before. i just cant accept it. plus
i duwan u to pay extra 1 sem money just because of this"

however he succeed to control me. Then i told him bout the department papers. And i said i want to come home after the papers. He also agreed.

I went back to the room again. My doc was waiting for me. she asked me to sit beside her and wait for her to settle everyone's first. I was crying all the while. Just cant stop cursing on my faith. After settle down everyone's result, she came to me. trying to consult me. She adviced me not give up and bla bla bla...

she even said,

"shiva, i also had to extend last time for 9 months just because of 1 sks. But now see me, how am i. I tried to learn more then i entered koas and graduate before everyone also. And its just matter of time. dont worry, this might help you to become even a better doctor compare to all your friends"

Yet, i still cant digest it. I was asking Him, why me?!! why he gave me so much of tests in this year. since starting of this year until now, why its like never ending only?!! whats was my mistake until i have to go thru this tough test??!! and i felt like my eyes already dried out of tears since it never stop tearing since last month....

I came back to my friends house cause cant stand there any longer. My friend tried put me to sleep. Suddenly at 2 pm i woke up and asked my friend whether she can accompany me to FK or not. i wanted to check my result in evaluation team, to clarify which station i failed. cause i wasnt satisfied with it. We went back to campus again.

I asked the stuff who incharge of this,

"pak, saya mau check saya gagal station apa hari tu?"

he asked for my transcript. He returned after few minutes and told,

"GUS HT and PE, tapi ini sudah salah neng, kemarin hasil station ini lupa dimasukin. kamu sebenarnya luluus ko. jgn risau, ntar di judcium 2 diperbaiki ya"

I didnt bother that the pak in front of me. i started crying because was so happy.
4 hours of crying, thought my bad luck never gona stop, was answered within few hours. If i didnt had the confident that i wouldnt fail and didnt go and check again means, i might already give up.

THANK GOD, really.

I came back and told my friend who told me about luck thingy the whole story. And she said,

"see siv, i told you,its not the luck.its faith.And dont worry you do just fine with the 3 more papers."


Reminder:
1) if you think that there is something wrong, dont hesitate to go and find out.

2) Never trust anyone else and you have faith on yourself.

P/S:
Thank you tasha for always being there for me and for never letting me alone whenever i was sad. you are really a good friend to me...:)

Thanks to ulaga and vintha also for holding my back whenever i face problems. I duno what i would have do without both of you..:)

Pray for me to get thru these 3 department papers...:)

~ 'No Treatment For Family' ~

I still remember the BHP class early this year, about a doctor cant treat his own family members. THe doctor said its ethically not allowed. When i heard that i told a friend of mine,

"what he is talking la, how we cant treat our own family members. of course we will try to give the best for them right..this ethical thingy is going way out of what we suppose to learn i guess"

Yet, i was wondering all the while why is it so. On 27th of may i got the answer...

My uncle fetched me from the airport. I thought we were heading to the hospital where my mum admitted. Half way on the highway, then only i realized its the way to my house. i asked my uncle'

"Arent we going to see mum 1st before we go home"

and he said,

"she already discharged from hospital and mow at home taking rest"

Weird thing happened!!!
As a medical student who already studied about cardio in third year, i supposed to know that it cant happen. i knew that a MI patient wouldnt be discharge that fast. Yet, i tried to believe what my uncle said. Trying to consult myself that my mum will be ok and will receive me as usual. And hoping so much that my uncle wont say the sentence 'she left me'...

Then i realised why its ethically not allowed to tread out own family members. When we face them as our patient, we can loose our mind, we cant think rasionally and can be carried by emotions.

We, as a human beings, are not excepted from being carried by our emotions no matter how strong are we and how profession can we be...!!!

Someones Watching over me...

OSCE-dr.Yuni 'u r doing good,recovering very fast'

Sidang-dr.Rov 'u manage to finish it with all the obstacles u had'


A friend- 'u seems to be fine now'

I myself wonder how i can do it...!!!
How i can accept the fact so fast...!!!
How i can hide my pain, my sorrows from every1...!!!

It just because i believe that she always watching over me, i guess..
so i cant be sad, have to move on with this life, no matter what it takes to live this life...

P/S:
i thank all my friends who were there for me for past two weeks...

Maa...

[This 1 is dedicated to my mom...]

Maa...
The most wonderful word in this world...
not every1 get the chance to say this word,
not all the children owns her in their life.

Maa...
the only soul you can find with so much of loves (besides HIM)
the only person who understand our every single movement,
the one and only person who always wishes for your happiness rather than hers!!!

Maa...
u always been my best friend until i didnt had to find some1 out there,
u always been my enemy whenever you try to stop doing something that i want but not good for me,
u always been my gossip partner until my friends told i cant gossip coz i always do it with u,
u always been there to hold me whenever i was sad or down'
u always been there to support me whenever i do something new,
u always been there to guide me if im confuse,
u always been there for me in all aspects...
Yet i feel like the time i spent with you not enough,
i need more time...more and more time...
WHY!!!

Maa...
you've dedicated your whole life for others,
For your siblings, for paa, for us, for devotees, for relatives, for the community,
you've always been there for others needs, and did nothing for yourself!

Maa...
u-the most wonderful, loving mom ever,
and the best among the best...
nobody can be like you, nobody can replace you..
how hard i try also, cant be like you in the future,
you're AMAZING!!!

Maa...
I know GOD loves you more but so do us...
i know ull be watching over me as usual no matter what..
i know i have to fulfill all your wishes...
have to make sure all ur wishes come true no matter what...
i promise maa ill do it!!!

some said i need to strong; some wants me to smile back like last time...
i know i need to be strong ; physically i will try for now but dont aspect me to strong emotionally this early...
and if the matter of my 'smile', will i be able to bring back that smiley face again that every1 wish to see??!!!