Someones Watching over me...

OSCE-dr.Yuni 'u r doing good,recovering very fast'

Sidang-dr.Rov 'u manage to finish it with all the obstacles u had'


A friend- 'u seems to be fine now'

I myself wonder how i can do it...!!!
How i can accept the fact so fast...!!!
How i can hide my pain, my sorrows from every1...!!!

It just because i believe that she always watching over me, i guess..
so i cant be sad, have to move on with this life, no matter what it takes to live this life...

P/S:
i thank all my friends who were there for me for past two weeks...

Maa...

[This 1 is dedicated to my mom...]

Maa...
The most wonderful word in this world...
not every1 get the chance to say this word,
not all the children owns her in their life.

Maa...
the only soul you can find with so much of loves (besides HIM)
the only person who understand our every single movement,
the one and only person who always wishes for your happiness rather than hers!!!

Maa...
u always been my best friend until i didnt had to find some1 out there,
u always been my enemy whenever you try to stop doing something that i want but not good for me,
u always been my gossip partner until my friends told i cant gossip coz i always do it with u,
u always been there to hold me whenever i was sad or down'
u always been there to support me whenever i do something new,
u always been there to guide me if im confuse,
u always been there for me in all aspects...
Yet i feel like the time i spent with you not enough,
i need more time...more and more time...
WHY!!!

Maa...
you've dedicated your whole life for others,
For your siblings, for paa, for us, for devotees, for relatives, for the community,
you've always been there for others needs, and did nothing for yourself!

Maa...
u-the most wonderful, loving mom ever,
and the best among the best...
nobody can be like you, nobody can replace you..
how hard i try also, cant be like you in the future,
you're AMAZING!!!

Maa...
I know GOD loves you more but so do us...
i know ull be watching over me as usual no matter what..
i know i have to fulfill all your wishes...
have to make sure all ur wishes come true no matter what...
i promise maa ill do it!!!

some said i need to strong; some wants me to smile back like last time...
i know i need to be strong ; physically i will try for now but dont aspect me to strong emotionally this early...
and if the matter of my 'smile', will i be able to bring back that smiley face again that every1 wish to see??!!!

It's Not The End Of The World...

SOCA - Student Oral Case Analysis is just another test which totally depends on your luck, 100% and nothing more than that.U either don't get the case you want, or you get what you want, but the doctors are killers.This is something very common in SOCA.

During 1st year, all u want is to get an A in soca. 2nd year...hmmm, still want an A. when you've entered 3rd year, the thoughts changes..B will do...in 4th year, all you want is just to pass that crappy test...No more flying colours..

As we move forward, some things don't seem to matter any more. At the same time you feel like you don't deserve what you've earned for..

I do get angry with Him but I did learn something...
1) don't doubt what we want to tell.
2) Don't put boundaries at any instant.
3) past is past, do the best in future.
4) Learn from mistakes....

GOD's GIFT...

Sky...

Moon...

Sun...

Rainbow...

Morning...

Night...

Beach...

Rain...

Snow...

Flowers...

Forest...

the list can be continue without any full stop!!!

there are so many creations of GOD which are great, incredible, beautiful, wonderful, mind blowing, etc...

BUT

don't u think the most WONDERFUL creation of GOD is the small creature called as BABY- compare to anything in this world??!!!

i think so la...(*wink*)

BABIES / CHILDREN..

seeing their cute face, cant make u forget even the biggest problem in ur life..

watching their single action, can make smile all the day...

don't u feel that the time u spend with them are the most precious moments ever...

fulfilling their every single request, make u feel like its the great achievement for the day..:)

as whole, they are the most beautiful gift that u ever can receive from GOD in ur life..

the most unforgettable GIFT...

when i will have...:p

(releasing tension konon...hehe)

time doesnt allow me to write more...adious!!!

~ I HAD A BAD DAY ~

I went to campus around 7 am. My routine, going early to campus during exam... 1ce reached the hall (A3.3 theater), i shocked!!! It is being renovated, so the hall was full of dust and the workers just started to cleaning it...(haihs~~)

i found a place to settle down so that can continue my revision. right after sit, i took out my hp...
the screen showed 1 new msg..opened-Dr.Rovina (my supervisor)-"siva call me now"...i dialed her number immediately with thousand and one questions in my head.. 'maaf, pulsa anda kurang dari 2k...bla bla'..crap..!!!

Then, i msgd a fren of mine to top up for me and i called her back after the credit in..not even 1 ring,she picked up the call and said 'siva, u r late..call me in 1 hour'.. click..she just hanged up..didnt even give me a chance to talk... I decided to text her..."doc, im going to have exam now, can i call u around 11am" and she rplied "ok"...thats it!!! i cant anymore focus on my book. all was in my mind was what she gona tell, how much she gona complain, will she tell my chapter 4 is wrong (coz all the stats counts, i did by myself, kononnya wana try)...so much to worry and i totally forgot bout TMS altough i was going thru the questions before exam...(my eyes were looking at the paper but my mind...)

Doctors entered the hall when it was 15 min to 8. I kept all the papers inside my bag and when in front, to sit in the front row as usual.. The doctors started giving out the answer sheets to every1. I started shading my name 1ce i got it, suddenly Dr.Eva came in n said 'while waiting for every1 to get the answer sheet, please turn ur chair back..'..
'great, ill be the last 1 then'...whatsoever..(sighs)

exam started...and was hoping for a quite environment..suddenly, every1 started sneezing one after another (bcoz of the dust) and some were coughing non stop..was kinda irritating..!!!!

Every1 was doing the exam seriously...one hour past, and my back pain started..i knew it (effect of stayed awake whole night). Crap..i became unconfortable to sit and continue the paper and hoping to finish the paper A.S.A.P...

Around 10am, i wanted to go washroom..so, with doctor's permission, went out. The washroom in that floor was locked..damn, i had to go the ground floor...while climbing down, i sliped off the staircase. (me and my clumsiness, cant separate us...huhu). It made my ankle to ache more..:(

Then, i entered the hall back to continue. The moment i sat, i saw 1 of my batchmate stood up and submitted his paper and went out...OMG, 'was the paper easy or am doing it slow' (i was thinking in my heart)... after that, one by one started going out..i panic!!! (this is the reason i dont like to sit behind).. Yet, tried to not bother bout it..

After finish exam, went to plaza to give my ques to Vickee..my frens were talking bout the paper as usual...But, wat was in my mind all the wile was call my supervisor..I called her again, now she picked up and said 'siva, im still in the meeting' then hanged up again...'oh GOD'..then my hp beeped (msg tone). Msg from my supervisor, "come bdg if possible".. The only thing i could say was "k doc".. 'Oh man, i have to go to bdg now??!!!.. then when am i going to slp, when am i going to go thru phop'...

Took 11.30am bus, rushed to bdg coz wanted to come bc early..reached there around 12.35 pm. Then i asked her whether can i meet her now, she said she need an hour to pray and eat, meet her at 2pm..have to, had no choice..i decided to have lunch then since havent taken my breakfast also.

The 1st thing i asked her when enter her office, 'is it very BAD doc?!!'... And i was ready for anything at that moment, since my whole day was kinda disaster (thought she will tell my whole chapter 4 wrong). But what i heard from her was...'no no, its good, really'..

"Thank God"..after went thru so many so called 'bad' thing, finally i got something good...
yet alot of correction...but after talking to her, i felt like all my tiredness just disappeared like that..she always inspires me..Im stop doing it for the sake of 4credits and I started involving myself in this research because of her..i do really admire her..:)

After 1 hour, she 'chased' me...hehe. She is a super busy woman...
I reached jtngr bc with a new spirit to continue my thesis..thanx to my supervisor...hehe

(I really considering bout doing research in the future...huhu)

MY GURU

seeing HH Jyapataka after 5 year (in photo and video) made my eyes to filled with tears..:(
hearing HH's voice made me strong again..
when i heard the news that HH is in coma last year october put me in a fear of not getting initiation fron HH..
hoping to see you soon and get initiation so that i can move to the next step in my spiritual life..
I'm missing you alot Acharyapad..
hope u are getting better and better everyday with KRSNA's mercy and our prayers for you...
and hoping to see HH in malaysia and hear HH BG class as usual with jokes and all...:)

Guru Maharaj turned 60 this year and i missed his biggest vyasapuja(b'day celebration)...:(

we need you maharaj-stay- dont leave us...:)

your are amazing maharaj...

"On January 23rd His Majesty The King of Nepal Gyanendra Bir Bikram Shah Dev awarded His Holiness Jayapataka Swami amongst 4 leaders of the World Hindu Federation for Their contribution towards the preservation, promotion and protection of Hindu Dharma in a special and very sumptuous function at Pragya Pratisthan Kendra (The Royal Academy) in Kathmandu - Nepal. This event was organized by The World Hindu Federation during the 16th executive meeting"..

His Holiness Jayapataka Swami ki-Jay...

FOOD FOR LIFE

do we eat well?
do we feel healthy all the time?
u might answered, yes i do..i eat 3 times a day...im healthy all the time without any illness...:p

are we really healthy?

i don't think so.
we might feed our body with all kind of Delicious food, and keep it fit and healthy..
morning nasi lemak, afternoon nasi ayam masak merah, dinner bla bla...
we don't hesitate to spend how much also just to feed ourselves with fantastic foods...

yet, do you feel satisfied? strong? healthy? active all the time?
ask yourself...
feeding yourselves with nice food is just keep yourselves good physically not mentally...

what is soul?
does everyone believe in soul?
do we feed our soul properly?
our soul healthy, strong, fit, happy as our body?

our body is functioning because there is soul.
nature of the soul is consciousness meaning its spread all over the body.
that's the reason why we conscious pains and pleasures and it this feeling is unknown by another body.

soul is like battery of the hand phone and need to be charged everyday.
how can we charge our soul? no charger also..??!!
spiritualism; meaning prayers..thats is the the only way to charge..(>.<)

we should feed our soul with prayers. thats the only way we can 'it' make happy and strong all the day. let me guess, do you feel like losing something if you don't pray a day? I'm sure the answer will be yes..(wink2*)
and you feel energetic when you just after done with your daily prayer.. you feel like your body is boost with energizer (red bull may be) after you face Him...?!!!
that is because your soul is already charged to work properly again...:)
if you don't charge your soul then it is same like the HP which is running out of charge; useless. cant do anything productive with it...

this is what we call as being healthy, stronger, energized...:)
when our soul healthy, we feel far better than eating nice food...
being 'healthy' is by keeping our soul fed not our body...:)

so lets don't forget to charge our 'battery' continuously everyday and dont let it 'die' anytime before the time!!!
its not only for now but for later on when we face Him in the other world because He will question you for not feeding yourselves (the soul) properly...hehe

p/s:
my 'battery' also kinda weak too lately..