~ MR or MRS right ~

Why everyone thinks that the person to whom we get married can be not our mr/mrs right??!!

Few days back I was chit chat with my friends...One of my friends said,

" Kan waktu 1st year ustad ade cakap yang, kalau kita khawin nanti tak semestinya orang tu jodoh kita"

Spontaneously, another friend and i said,

"Kenape u pon fikir macam tu, kenape kita x jadikan orang tu sebagai jodoh kita?"

then she said,

"takkan orang yang kite khawin tu jadikan mr right la? belum kenal...bla bla bla"

Not only her, but most of the people think the same nowadays. If can cop up together, divorce. As simple as that...?!! why cant they think about it properly before they committed to a person??!!!

See few times, chat couple of hours, then like each other ready means 'lets get married'..please la..!!! We can take our time to get to each other and then only committed to each other.is it more rational and at the same time can be sure of the the person whether he / she is our mr / mrs right...(^_^)

Dont tell, if that person is bad or something then have to divorce... that's the reason we must get to know each other well before. not to say, after marriage cant get to know but just saying that it's better this way..Can avoid so many things...true or not??!!

Last time where got people fall in love and all. Mostly arranged marriage.Yet, they can take that person as a life partner and also mr / mrs right...e.g. our parents.
My mom and dad lived together and my mom always tried to be the mrs right for my dad.I always wanted to be like that.

Law or religion shouldnt be a reason for everyone to have trial on mr / mrs right like changing clothes...:p

p/s : just my opinion...:p

LucK Isn'T EveryThinG~

yesterday when i was waiting for 'Judicium' at outside of A5, one of my friend told me 'Luck is not everything siv' after seeing me so worried. And she said we will deserve what we worked for. that's how she consulted me...

Doctor Yuni, my dosen wali, after enter the room, she started giving our results. My heart feel like stopping after seeing OSCE (V & VI) is B. 'Shit, i cnt graduate this august then'. After that, i cant be bother already about my department papers. I was controlling myself from dropping my tears in front of my doc & friends. Right after consult what subject to take and all, i just ran into the washroom and dial my dad's num.

"pa, i dont think so i cant graduate this august" and started crying.

It was a big shock for him too, i knew. But he was trying to consult me by telling may its for a good reason. And he totally didnt blame me because the OSCE was 1 week right after my mum's....Yet, i couldnt consult myself. I told him,

"no pa, i never failed this exam before. i just cant accept it. plus
i duwan u to pay extra 1 sem money just because of this"

however he succeed to control me. Then i told him bout the department papers. And i said i want to come home after the papers. He also agreed.

I went back to the room again. My doc was waiting for me. she asked me to sit beside her and wait for her to settle everyone's first. I was crying all the while. Just cant stop cursing on my faith. After settle down everyone's result, she came to me. trying to consult me. She adviced me not give up and bla bla bla...

she even said,

"shiva, i also had to extend last time for 9 months just because of 1 sks. But now see me, how am i. I tried to learn more then i entered koas and graduate before everyone also. And its just matter of time. dont worry, this might help you to become even a better doctor compare to all your friends"

Yet, i still cant digest it. I was asking Him, why me?!! why he gave me so much of tests in this year. since starting of this year until now, why its like never ending only?!! whats was my mistake until i have to go thru this tough test??!! and i felt like my eyes already dried out of tears since it never stop tearing since last month....

I came back to my friends house cause cant stand there any longer. My friend tried put me to sleep. Suddenly at 2 pm i woke up and asked my friend whether she can accompany me to FK or not. i wanted to check my result in evaluation team, to clarify which station i failed. cause i wasnt satisfied with it. We went back to campus again.

I asked the stuff who incharge of this,

"pak, saya mau check saya gagal station apa hari tu?"

he asked for my transcript. He returned after few minutes and told,

"GUS HT and PE, tapi ini sudah salah neng, kemarin hasil station ini lupa dimasukin. kamu sebenarnya luluus ko. jgn risau, ntar di judcium 2 diperbaiki ya"

I didnt bother that the pak in front of me. i started crying because was so happy.
4 hours of crying, thought my bad luck never gona stop, was answered within few hours. If i didnt had the confident that i wouldnt fail and didnt go and check again means, i might already give up.

THANK GOD, really.

I came back and told my friend who told me about luck thingy the whole story. And she said,

"see siv, i told you,its not the luck.its faith.And dont worry you do just fine with the 3 more papers."


Reminder:
1) if you think that there is something wrong, dont hesitate to go and find out.

2) Never trust anyone else and you have faith on yourself.

P/S:
Thank you tasha for always being there for me and for never letting me alone whenever i was sad. you are really a good friend to me...:)

Thanks to ulaga and vintha also for holding my back whenever i face problems. I duno what i would have do without both of you..:)

Pray for me to get thru these 3 department papers...:)

~ 'No Treatment For Family' ~

I still remember the BHP class early this year, about a doctor cant treat his own family members. THe doctor said its ethically not allowed. When i heard that i told a friend of mine,

"what he is talking la, how we cant treat our own family members. of course we will try to give the best for them right..this ethical thingy is going way out of what we suppose to learn i guess"

Yet, i was wondering all the while why is it so. On 27th of may i got the answer...

My uncle fetched me from the airport. I thought we were heading to the hospital where my mum admitted. Half way on the highway, then only i realized its the way to my house. i asked my uncle'

"Arent we going to see mum 1st before we go home"

and he said,

"she already discharged from hospital and mow at home taking rest"

Weird thing happened!!!
As a medical student who already studied about cardio in third year, i supposed to know that it cant happen. i knew that a MI patient wouldnt be discharge that fast. Yet, i tried to believe what my uncle said. Trying to consult myself that my mum will be ok and will receive me as usual. And hoping so much that my uncle wont say the sentence 'she left me'...

Then i realised why its ethically not allowed to tread out own family members. When we face them as our patient, we can loose our mind, we cant think rasionally and can be carried by emotions.

We, as a human beings, are not excepted from being carried by our emotions no matter how strong are we and how profession can we be...!!!

Someones Watching over me...

OSCE-dr.Yuni 'u r doing good,recovering very fast'

Sidang-dr.Rov 'u manage to finish it with all the obstacles u had'


A friend- 'u seems to be fine now'

I myself wonder how i can do it...!!!
How i can accept the fact so fast...!!!
How i can hide my pain, my sorrows from every1...!!!

It just because i believe that she always watching over me, i guess..
so i cant be sad, have to move on with this life, no matter what it takes to live this life...

P/S:
i thank all my friends who were there for me for past two weeks...

Maa...

[This 1 is dedicated to my mom...]

Maa...
The most wonderful word in this world...
not every1 get the chance to say this word,
not all the children owns her in their life.

Maa...
the only soul you can find with so much of loves (besides HIM)
the only person who understand our every single movement,
the one and only person who always wishes for your happiness rather than hers!!!

Maa...
u always been my best friend until i didnt had to find some1 out there,
u always been my enemy whenever you try to stop doing something that i want but not good for me,
u always been my gossip partner until my friends told i cant gossip coz i always do it with u,
u always been there to hold me whenever i was sad or down'
u always been there to support me whenever i do something new,
u always been there to guide me if im confuse,
u always been there for me in all aspects...
Yet i feel like the time i spent with you not enough,
i need more time...more and more time...
WHY!!!

Maa...
you've dedicated your whole life for others,
For your siblings, for paa, for us, for devotees, for relatives, for the community,
you've always been there for others needs, and did nothing for yourself!

Maa...
u-the most wonderful, loving mom ever,
and the best among the best...
nobody can be like you, nobody can replace you..
how hard i try also, cant be like you in the future,
you're AMAZING!!!

Maa...
I know GOD loves you more but so do us...
i know ull be watching over me as usual no matter what..
i know i have to fulfill all your wishes...
have to make sure all ur wishes come true no matter what...
i promise maa ill do it!!!

some said i need to strong; some wants me to smile back like last time...
i know i need to be strong ; physically i will try for now but dont aspect me to strong emotionally this early...
and if the matter of my 'smile', will i be able to bring back that smiley face again that every1 wish to see??!!!

It's Not The End Of The World...

SOCA - Student Oral Case Analysis is just another test which totally depends on your luck, 100% and nothing more than that.U either don't get the case you want, or you get what you want, but the doctors are killers.This is something very common in SOCA.

During 1st year, all u want is to get an A in soca. 2nd year...hmmm, still want an A. when you've entered 3rd year, the thoughts changes..B will do...in 4th year, all you want is just to pass that crappy test...No more flying colours..

As we move forward, some things don't seem to matter any more. At the same time you feel like you don't deserve what you've earned for..

I do get angry with Him but I did learn something...
1) don't doubt what we want to tell.
2) Don't put boundaries at any instant.
3) past is past, do the best in future.
4) Learn from mistakes....

GOD's GIFT...

Sky...

Moon...

Sun...

Rainbow...

Morning...

Night...

Beach...

Rain...

Snow...

Flowers...

Forest...

the list can be continue without any full stop!!!

there are so many creations of GOD which are great, incredible, beautiful, wonderful, mind blowing, etc...

BUT

don't u think the most WONDERFUL creation of GOD is the small creature called as BABY- compare to anything in this world??!!!

i think so la...(*wink*)

BABIES / CHILDREN..

seeing their cute face, cant make u forget even the biggest problem in ur life..

watching their single action, can make smile all the day...

don't u feel that the time u spend with them are the most precious moments ever...

fulfilling their every single request, make u feel like its the great achievement for the day..:)

as whole, they are the most beautiful gift that u ever can receive from GOD in ur life..

the most unforgettable GIFT...

when i will have...:p

(releasing tension konon...hehe)

time doesnt allow me to write more...adious!!!