"jangan pake perasaan"

It was my 1st 'jaga' in UGD (emergency). Since i was in NC department, there was a head injury patient who needed debridement for his wound on his head. So i prepared all the stuffs as the resident ordered. Then started with the cleaning.

i did 'sheeesssshhh' when saw the patient in pain. The resident beside me told,
"siva, kalau mau jadi dokter, jangan pake perasaan waktu mengobati pasien"...:p

1st i was kinda shocked with that statement but then only its hit my mind that of course, if i have emotional contact with patient,my work couldn't be done at any time soon...:p

thats how i started to learn things throughout the 9 weeks in surgery depatment...:) it was really fun n felt like being a real doctor especially during jaga, yet had some hard times too... (u know nothing can be as smmooth as we want).

started with NC, then onko-uro-thorax-vascular-anak-plastik-degestive, and ended with ortho..n this nine weeks were so good that no heart to leave 'surgery' department this soon..what to do, duwana prolong oso..:p




Last day in Nc-(operation teater)















i always wont be in the shot coz im the who is taking those pic..:(

gonna miss this department alot..:p

LucK Isn'T EveryThinG~

yesterday when i was waiting for 'Judicium' at outside of A5, one of my friend told me 'Luck is not everything siv' after seeing me so worried. And she said we will deserve what we worked for. that's how she consulted me...

Doctor Yuni, my dosen wali, after enter the room, she started giving our results. My heart feel like stopping after seeing OSCE (V & VI) is B. 'Shit, i cnt graduate this august then'. After that, i cant be bother already about my department papers. I was controlling myself from dropping my tears in front of my doc & friends. Right after consult what subject to take and all, i just ran into the washroom and dial my dad's num.

"pa, i dont think so i cant graduate this august" and started crying.

It was a big shock for him too, i knew. But he was trying to consult me by telling may its for a good reason. And he totally didnt blame me because the OSCE was 1 week right after my mum's....Yet, i couldnt consult myself. I told him,

"no pa, i never failed this exam before. i just cant accept it. plus
i duwan u to pay extra 1 sem money just because of this"

however he succeed to control me. Then i told him bout the department papers. And i said i want to come home after the papers. He also agreed.

I went back to the room again. My doc was waiting for me. she asked me to sit beside her and wait for her to settle everyone's first. I was crying all the while. Just cant stop cursing on my faith. After settle down everyone's result, she came to me. trying to consult me. She adviced me not give up and bla bla bla...

she even said,

"shiva, i also had to extend last time for 9 months just because of 1 sks. But now see me, how am i. I tried to learn more then i entered koas and graduate before everyone also. And its just matter of time. dont worry, this might help you to become even a better doctor compare to all your friends"

Yet, i still cant digest it. I was asking Him, why me?!! why he gave me so much of tests in this year. since starting of this year until now, why its like never ending only?!! whats was my mistake until i have to go thru this tough test??!! and i felt like my eyes already dried out of tears since it never stop tearing since last month....

I came back to my friends house cause cant stand there any longer. My friend tried put me to sleep. Suddenly at 2 pm i woke up and asked my friend whether she can accompany me to FK or not. i wanted to check my result in evaluation team, to clarify which station i failed. cause i wasnt satisfied with it. We went back to campus again.

I asked the stuff who incharge of this,

"pak, saya mau check saya gagal station apa hari tu?"

he asked for my transcript. He returned after few minutes and told,

"GUS HT and PE, tapi ini sudah salah neng, kemarin hasil station ini lupa dimasukin. kamu sebenarnya luluus ko. jgn risau, ntar di judcium 2 diperbaiki ya"

I didnt bother that the pak in front of me. i started crying because was so happy.
4 hours of crying, thought my bad luck never gona stop, was answered within few hours. If i didnt had the confident that i wouldnt fail and didnt go and check again means, i might already give up.

THANK GOD, really.

I came back and told my friend who told me about luck thingy the whole story. And she said,

"see siv, i told you,its not the luck.its faith.And dont worry you do just fine with the 3 more papers."


Reminder:
1) if you think that there is something wrong, dont hesitate to go and find out.

2) Never trust anyone else and you have faith on yourself.

P/S:
Thank you tasha for always being there for me and for never letting me alone whenever i was sad. you are really a good friend to me...:)

Thanks to ulaga and vintha also for holding my back whenever i face problems. I duno what i would have do without both of you..:)

Pray for me to get thru these 3 department papers...:)

It's Not The End Of The World...

SOCA - Student Oral Case Analysis is just another test which totally depends on your luck, 100% and nothing more than that.U either don't get the case you want, or you get what you want, but the doctors are killers.This is something very common in SOCA.

During 1st year, all u want is to get an A in soca. 2nd year...hmmm, still want an A. when you've entered 3rd year, the thoughts changes..B will do...in 4th year, all you want is just to pass that crappy test...No more flying colours..

As we move forward, some things don't seem to matter any more. At the same time you feel like you don't deserve what you've earned for..

I do get angry with Him but I did learn something...
1) don't doubt what we want to tell.
2) Don't put boundaries at any instant.
3) past is past, do the best in future.
4) Learn from mistakes....